you have no personality
on being interesting
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The more I connect with people on Substack, the more I have been realizing that I have no personality, and you might not either. Ok, this may be an exaggeration, or just my own internal dialogue beating me down as it so often does, but I draw a blank anytime I am asked about myself. Sure, I have hobbies, but not in the way that define me like theater did in high school. I was a theater kid through and through. I could talk about my favorite plays, improv techniques, etc. that I cannot recall now, and frankly don’t want to. Theater is not who I am anymore, nor is it who I have been for the last ten years. The last ten years I have been... a worker? A student? Unable to define myself anymore outside of my capitalist labor or Tiktok trending sounds, I went on a journey to find how I can be interesting again. Here is what I learned when I asked, “how do I get a personality again?”
Find your heroes
This is one of those pieces of advice that I ignored for way too long. I always have a hard time identifying my “heroes” because I try not to get attached to people that I know are fallible. But heroes don’t have to be real people! I love Linda Belcher’s unwavering love and support for her family, her sense of humor, and her ability to be true to herself no matter the circumstances. I aspire to be as studious as Hermione Granger, or as nonchalant as Ramona Flowers in face of strife. Find the traits in people or characters that you want to emulate. Write down a list of what you already see in yourself and what you want to see in yourself — the gap may be smaller than you originally thought!
Identify your values
This one goes hand in hand with picking out your heroes. With values, ask yourself what you would lay down your life for; this may seem drastic, but nothing will get you to identify at least two core values easier than this exercise. For me, I would take a bullet for my family and friends. I would risk drowning to save an animal in need. I would run into a burning museum to save a Van Gogh or a statue of Venus (or my baby blanket tbh). People, animals, art, and love are central values for me. Your values should guide you to where to pour your time and energy.
Read more
People who know stuff are interesting. Period. I would love to sit down and pick the brain of anyone who makes it on to Jeopardy. I am constantly in awe and reverence of those who are masters at what they do and what they know. And I don’t mean reading a college level syllabus either. Read what you love, read what you find interesting, read what you think is cozy, or fun, or sexy. But read!! If you can quote books or movies off the top of your head, you’re likely the coolest person in the room. Knowing an author or subject intimately gives a feeling of immense connection to not only their work, but to the aspects of the human experience that lay within each domain.
I also believe reading history, specifically, is paramount. Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it; I’m looking at you, USAers, considering our history is whitewashed, Americentric, and full of propaganda. To know the past is to move confidently into the future.
Follow your curiosity
Follow where your reading (or watching or playing) takes you. I often think about how when I was in second grade everyone had a special interest: the Titanic, mummies, dinosaurs, butterflies, etc. Running to the library to snag the books I wanted before the other kids could catch me was a highlight of my week. Ask yourself: what did childhood me love? What was a topic they couldn’t get enough of. Start there and see where it takes you. Fall down that rabbit hole but make it intentional.
Offer yourself new perspectives
One of the most powerful things reading does is expand the lens through which we see the world. It takes us out of our own narrow reality and places us squarely into someone else’s shoes, sometimes across time, sometimes across the world, and sometimes into a mind so different from our own it feels like magic. Read authors who don’t look like you. Learn about cultures, movements, and stories you weren’t taught in school. Let yourself be surprised, challenged, even a little uncomfortable. That discomfort? It’s growth! And it’s also how you start to build a real personality; one that’s informed, layered, textured. When you expose yourself to a mosaic of thought and experience, you become someone worth knowing.
Have an opinion
There’s something magnetic about someone who knows what they think and why. It’s not about being right or loud, it’s simply about being engaged. When you read (or watch or listen or play), don’t just consume, but respond. Talk back to the ideas. Argue with the characters. Disagree with the author or speaker. Turn over your thoughts like smooth stones until they feel like yours. People with opinions are interesting. They show up to the conversation with something to say. And that’s how you develop a voice. A vibe. A point of view. A personality isn’t built by staying neutral all the time; it’s built by being brave enough to stand somewhere.
Find confidence
Confidence doesn’t always roar; sometimes it’s quiet, grounded, and deeply rooted in knowing who you are and what lights you up. And one of the best ways to build it? Knowledge. Passion. Joy. When you follow your curiosity and cultivate your interests, you start to carry this subtle brilliance into every room you enter. That elusive ‘spark’ we all hope to have. People notice when you’re lit up from within. When you can speak on something with ease and love, it shows. A well-read, well-watched, well-played person has range. Personality doesn’t come from mimicking trends or blending in with the herd — it comes from doing the work of becoming. And what a beautiful joy it is to become.
my personality is reading allies posts
the core values graphic changed my life