no, i am not coming to your wedding

womp womp

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A few months ago, my friend got engaged to one of my boyfriend’s friends. We talked about helping to crochet wedding flowers to help save on her budget. She invited me to her bachelorette party and my boyfriend to the bachelor party. Another couple from our circle got engaged shortly after in a cloud of rose petals. The air of excitement in our close-knit friend group was palpable — the first wedding of many to come!

But things change. One of those things being the president. I had known a few of the friend’s leaned republican (ew), but I was (naively) hopeful that we would all come together to vote for a better future. One of the boys is a public-school teacher. Surely, he would not vote against his own job security. Yes, Kamala is a Zionist and former prosecutor who I do not agree with on multiple fronts. But it is also (speculatively) true that we would not be seeing the complete destruction of our constitution, personal private data, or massive layoffs that have been just the first month of this fascist regime if she would have won the election. Is this statement routed in my own haze of white privilege? Perhaps. I am not ignorant of Kamala’s controversies and shortcomings. I do not support the democratic party as an institution. But one thing I know is my rights and life-saving psychiatric medication are under threat. And none of my friends seemed to care.

After the election, I texted the girlfriend group chat: “do not ever speak to me again if you voted for Trump.” I am done being friends with people who do not care about me. As a woman. As a mental health sufferer and worker. As a daughter with her father dependent on government assistance to get his thrice weekly dialysis that is currently keeping him alive. As the daughter of a retired public-school teacher. How dare I surround myself with those people. It may be hyperbolic, but it would have been self-harm to continue in that space.

Over the past few months, only one friend from the group reached out to check on me. This one friend being liberal, open to discussion and criticism, and one of the girls I was closest to. The one getting married? I haven’t spoken to her since November. The bridesmaids? Nope. In fact, I thought the invitation to her bachelorette party was going to be an un-invitation.

Perhaps the thing that really boils my blood is the complete uninterest in politics and current events. It would be irresponsible not to point out that these are all white people. They have the luxury of ignoring injustice because the world was built for them. Why challenge white supremacy when these (late 20 yr olds, mind you) can go to the bar every weekend and play darts? I have zero tolerance for this anymore. If you are complicit, you are part of the problem. You are also likely a white supremacist.

I get nauseous thinking of sitting in a church, of all places, with those claiming to be of Jesus’ teachings when immigrants are being sent to Gitmo. My skin crawls with the idea of celebrating a heterosexual union when trans people are being denied personhood. So no, I won’t be coming to your bridal shower or wedding. Do not look for me. I know you don’t look out for marginalized people, women, the environment, or the LGBTQ community, so it should be fairly easy for you to ignore my absence. L’Chaim.